Damnit, I Cheated.

When one commits to a strict diet like this, the temptation to cheat is ridiculously high.  It takes a serious amount of willpower to not give in to those temptations.  And I’m ashamed to say that last night, I gave in, and I friggin cheated.  Ugh.  I’m so mad at myself.  And there’s no excuse other than my own weakness.  Although, there were factors that definitely led to my downfall moment:

  1. It’s hot!  Really friggin hot!  Which makes it impossible for me to turn on the stove as the inside of my apartment is currently sitting somewhere around 90 degrees and it’s miserable.  In Seattle, air conditioning is ‘not needed’ cuz it only gets hot ‘a few weeks a year’.  Yeah, well, with global warming, that hot is getting a whole hell of a lot hotter!  So, when your apartment is already 90 degrees, the last thing you want to do is turn the stove on to heat a grill pan to grill up some meat, or stand over a hot wok and do a stir fry.  So, the heat has definitely upped my level of frustration.
  2. I was given a great suggestion to get a rotisserie chicken for dinner, then I wouldn’t have to cook.  Brilliant!  So, I went and the store was friggin out of rotisserie chicken.  So, I went to the deli counter and asked for two of their roasted breasts.  I was on my phone, not paying attention, paid for my chicken and went home, opened the bag and the friggin chicken was fried!  And we’re not supposed to have fried anything on this diet.  Ugh, yet here were two beautifully breaded and fried breasts just staring at me!

I tore of some of the breading, but I also left some of it on, and convinced myself I didn’t care.  I chopped up the chicken, tossed it on a bed of mixed greens with my homemade lemon vinaigrette and ate it and didn’t friggin care.  And about 10 minutes afterwards, the guilt took over.  I was so mad at myself for my weakness.  So mad at the weather from forcing me to deviate from the meals I’d planned and already shopped for.  And more than that, I was frustrated because the minute you eat something that turns to sugar (i.e. breading on fried chicken), it kicks you out of ketosis and it will now take me 3 days to get back into ketosis, which isn’t the end of the world, but seriously slows down the weight loss.  Sigh.

I know I’m human, and I need to forgive myself this slip, but I’m really disappointed in myself.  And writing my coach and admitting what I did felt awful.  I hope to god I won’t have to go through this again, and I can stay on track.

Diets suck.  But I have to stick to this if I want to achieve my goal of beating my diabetes.  I can do this.  This wasn’t a failure.  This was a stumble on my road to a healthy, daibetes-free, me.  I can do this.  I am stronger than this.  I can do this.

 

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